A Simple Truth about...
ASPIRATIONS
I've learned to ensure, as I struggle
to reach every established goal,
that each bridge of success I'm attempting to cross
is FULLY worth paying its toll!
Close Enough
Linda Ellis Copyright 2009
I’ve always been one who continually strives for perfection. I remember as a child, slowly and methodically outlining a drawing with a thick black crayon so the different colors wouldn’t “bleed” outside the lines. Because, if by chance, one color spilled onto another while under the control of my small hand, though my picture may have been nearing completion, I would crumple it up and throw it away. In my mind, it was no longer of use because it was no longer perfect, and to me, it only represented personal failure.
Looking back, I don’t know where the root of that pressure came from as my parents never unduly placed high expectations upon me, nor were they perfection-seekers in their own lives. It was not a trait I’d inherited, but one I’d adopted and honed in a few short years, and it’s taken more time than that to “unlearn” it.
There’s a story in my book, Simple Truths of Life titled, “Your Own Friend.” It’s about learning not to be so critical and hard on yourself. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized the unnecessary pressure most of us experience in the day-to-day struggles of life. The word pressure is defined as: powerful and stressful demands on somebody's time, attention, and energy. In my view, there are two types of pressure: That which life places upon us through no choice of our own, and that which we willingly place upon ourselves.
In this world of "what have you done for me lately? " over-achievers, I realize this story will perhaps be perceived by some as having been inspired by a lack of ambition. However, I can’t help but feel its creation was, more accurately, inspired by John Lennon when he said: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
In business, and society in general, we are consistently advised that in order to achieve “success,” we must set high personal and professional goals. After doing so, we are then expected to spend much of our precious time devising strategies to assist us in achieving these self-made objectives in order that we may avoid, like the plague, personal failure. Alas, failure leads to guilt. Guilt leads to remorse. Remorse leads to regret. It is a cycle of doom that we create, ourselves!
Although we set high goals with great intentions, the backfire effect is that we are often left with feelings of failure when those initial goals are not able to be met, often due to circumstances beyond our control. In my view, the bar is often set too high initially because of a subconscious calculation made up of 40% zeal, 30% expectation and 25% optimism, with 5% left to fate.
I’ve established many goals for myself, but for each I’ve learned to create an imaginary ladder of success. On this ladder, I’ve installed an extra rung just before reaching the pinnacle of each. That rung is my Close Enough rung. If my best efforts bring me to that point and not beyond, I’ve learned to be satisfied and content with my accomplishment.
I’m not at all saying to settle for mediocrity or “good enough.” I’m saying Go for the Gold, always. But if Silver is your fate, accept it, be proud, learn from it and let it go. There’s a difference between reaching Close Enough and settling for good enough.
Success is wonderful. But, you must first honestly define or redefine your own personal views of success. To do this, you must decide your priorities and define what is (and what isn’t) truly necessary for you to lead a satisfying, fulfilling, life.
Too often we are blinded by our ambition and cannot see the truth that most of what we are seeking in the form of monetary or materialistic possessions is simply not what makes up the fabric of life. I’ve often used the following to illustrate the irony of our focus on tangible wealth: “You can’t take it with you. Have you ever seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul?”
“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached,
don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”
– Confucius
I agree with the intention of this quote, but I disagree with the undue pressure such an ideal places in our mindset. I don't believe we should consider ourselves having failed if we find it necessary to adjust our goals in light of developing changes. In fact, I suggest establishing "BE FLEXIBLE" as our highest goal, so that we may work from there. Furthermore, I believe there is value to be found in the unmet goal in the lessons learned, such as unveiling unknown shortcomings and turning them into virtues. Some might say being proud of achieving an altered goal would represent false pride. Again, I must disagree. That thought process only reinforces my point that we place undue stress and pressure upon ourselves. We need to learn to establish attainable, yet challenging, goals that will not ultimately leave us with feelings of disappointment, thereby diminishing the confidence we have in our abilities.
My daughter argued the point by stating that lowering your standards in order to achieve a goal nulls your objective and defeats the purpose, but I believe we need to learn to be satisfied if we reach the Close Enough rung, either on our way to reaching the pinnacle at some point, or as the ultimate result of our extensive efforts. Yes, my Close Enough theory could be construed as the equivalent of accepting a “B,” when striving for an “A,” but if you can mentally translate that “B” to stand for the “Best” that you could do given your current circumstances, what more is there? Why further punish yourself? Grant yourself: PERmission to be imPERfect.
Being competitive is a healthy trait. After all, isn’t competition what drives free enterprise? However, often we become our own worst enemy, but need to learn instead, to become our own best friend. Be easier on yourself so that you may enjoy the essence of life instead of constantly focusing on your next achievement. Why not set goals that are challenging and most probably attainable so that you may, more often, feel the pride of achievement?
Don’t spend all your precious time
striving to get EVERYTHING done,
for unlike your replenishing list of “goals,”
this is life…and you only get one.
Those driven by their own definition of success would undoubtedly argue that it’s imperative to set high goals in order to become “successful.” I realize it’s important to challenge ourselves, sometimes beyond our own limitations. But I also think we should weigh the investment of time, energy and that which we forfeit from our journey during the pursuit, against the accomplishment of each goal, to ensure it is fully worth the sacrifice.
I once worked for a high-ranking naval reserve officer. On his wall was a framed quote that read: “No one cares about the storms you encountered at sea…only that you brought the ship to port.” Another boss I had further into my career often stated a similar thought in a joking manner: “Spare me the labor pains…show me the baby!” I’ve always wrestled with the concept these statements represent, even if lightheartedly. Life is ever-changing and there are circumstances which arise that prevent goals and objectives from being achieved, no matter how much effort is put forth. Abiding by these statements would mean that an investment of 100% effort would be in vain and would matter not, if the ultimate goal was not met with 100% success. I feel that reward and recognition are necessities, regardless, even if only rewarded to ourselves...by ourselves. I refuse to believe there is no value in spent sweat and struggle.
In summary, do set goals. Set them high. But do not beat yourself up if your efforts bring you only to the Close Enough rung on the ladder. Realize that: Close Enough is acceptable. Your efforts have not been in vain. You have not failed. Learn from the experience and then…move on.
Do not belittle an earnest endeavor
though you may not have prevailed...
if you have learned from your error,
alas, you have not failed!
-Linda Ellis
In the game of horseshoes, Close Enough often wins.
Linda Ellis is an author, poet and inspirational speaker. Her first book, “The Dash,” is an international favorite with more than 30 million visitors to its web site: www.thedashmovie.com/linda and more than 300,000 products sold!
Her new book, Simple Truths of Life has just been released and her third gift book, Every Single Day is scheduled for publication in 2010.
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